Tag Archives: Relationship

The Center of Insecurity – Chasing the Dream

The Center of Insecurity – Chasing the Dream

Lawrence Insecure

Insecure has done a great job of highlighting so many of the dynamics between men and women trying to find a common ground in relationships, dating and just overall social interaction. One of the things that I’ve noticed while not really picking sides between the star characters Lawrence and Issa, is that Lawrence’s journey is one that surprisingly I connect to. I say that not in terms of the struggles that he’s having in his relationship with his now former partner but the background elements of him trying to live the life that he wants and that he has been working towards.

The backdrop of this character throughout these 2 completed seasons has been one of unfulfilled potential. We meet this character dealing with unemployment, clearly having a high level of intelligence as he pitches this new potential mobile app but not being able to get enough traction to get things off the ground. In the meantime, his struggles are wearing thin on his partner and on various levels we get a number of hints that perhaps their sex life among other things is not what it should be. These factors lead to overall growing tension between the two of them.

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I can wholeheartedly relate to the experience that Lawrence has been going through on the personal side regarding his professional advancements or at least his attempts to do so. More people than you know are dealing with an economy and a business world that has been in flux for probably the last 7-plus years now. There are more people with high education and higher work experience all vying for the same jobs. As a black man I already knowing what that job hunting process entails and how much higher you have to aim above the crowd, it’s stressful.

It takes a lot to get up and put on that professional face, hold it together throughout the course of the day and then come home and function when you’re not contributing your fair amount to the household situation. So we follow Lawrence as he goes from unemployment to finally bite the bullet and taking a Best Buy opportunity that was presented to him. It’s an ego check as it falls far below his intelligence and experience, but you do what you have to do to provide for your situation.

I connect with this so deeply, I know from personal experience how that feels to have to sit down and look at what you’ve done in the past, what you’ve accomplished, what you know than sit down and have to take a role that realistically you probably could have retained with no more than a high school degree. Again you do what you have to do to bring in that paper regardless of how much your ego takes a hit for it. Let’s just look things over a bit. In the midst of trying to get your paper right, you now find yourself out of your relationship not established in terms of having your own place so you know what happens next? You holla at your homie and you’re dealing with that air mattress struggle. Again I’ve never been in a situation where I separated from someone and ended up in that way but the air mattress struggle is real I’ve been there and when you find yourself in certain spaces of transition and you’re essentially starting from scratch. Building life from the bottom up is a very humbling position to find yourself in.

So as we watch Lawrence deal with these various levels of change some people may see it as him being the butt of a joke, however, your personal experiences will relate to the perspective that you’re going to bring to the situation and for me without touching the way he interacts with Issa, I get the stress, strain and the conflict that he is dealing with internally.

Interestingly enough the story of Insecure seems to present a situation where it isn’t until Lawrence is away from his supportive partner that he starts to make traction in his life professionally. He gets the new job, he gets the place and it makes you wonder was there something within the relationship holding him back

When shows like this hit the scene it is natural for people to start picking sides. The internet is full of Team Issa and Team Lawrence fanatics. People who just like me, connect to these characters in some personal form or fashion and are riding out hoping to see the best for that particular individual as the show progresses. As I said, I’m not on either of these individuals teams because I feel a lot of the decisions they are making in regards to each other and their former relationship have been incredibly destructive and hurtful to themselves.  

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I had this conversation with a friend recently; they are both being incredibly messy single people. But at least on one level of existence, I get where Lawrence is coming from I get the idea of wanting to be something aiming to be something falling short and having constant reminders around you of your shortcomings. I know what it’s like to be a certain age be in a certain place look around you and see others advancing others prospering and you still struggling to get to a place that you know you should be at. It’s not cool to admit the things that I’m talking about but this isn’t something new I’ve been very transparent with my life for years now. But as Insecure continues to grow in popularity I think the show presents real opportunity, to be honest about the lies that we live. As women open up and claim spaces in our society that they have been due for the longest. I think as men we need to start feeling enough comfort to open up about the difficulties that we have we are expected to be stone cold emotionless and just proceed with life like nothing ever affects us and that’s not true that’s not honest and it’s not healthy.

If anything the true level of insecurity comes in our inability, to be honest with ourselves and others that sometimes we’re just not happy with our lives. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to acknowledge your feelings and address them than bottle them up and have them possibly explode in the wrong direction or towards the wrong person.

While we await the next chapter of life between Lawrence and Issa in season 3, I do hope that the level of conversation that this show has sparked doesn’t die down. There are so many areas we need to address with other. We need each other more than ever and the first step to that position comes through understands open communication. We’re all insecure about something so why not share and heal together?

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SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

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Samurai Sit Down was created as my way to introduce various people who caught my eye and are making names for themselves in today’s new digital world. I’ve chatted with artists, media personalities, and more, but this time, I decided to dive a lil deeper into the gritty social media underbelly. What I’m talking about is Tumblr. If any space online exists as a free for all its Tumblr. You can go from cute kitty videos to the most explicit of amateur or professional sexual material. I’m no angel and I’m not  a stranger to Tumblr, which is where I encountered ChokesNGags, also known as “Aunty Chokes” by her devoted fans and followers. Sex is everywhere online but every so often you come across someone who isn’t just flashing the masses for attention. CNG has lived a life that is made for the big screen. Her candor and transparency has attracted many to seek her advice for issues too uncomfortable for others to hear.

So today things get a little NSFW as I sit down with the infamous ChokesNGags.     

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First off, thanks for taking the time out to have this conversation. Let’s dive right into things. How/Why/When did you start the ChokesNGags online persona?

Back around 2011 when I was living in south Philly bored out of my skull. One of my friends was always on Tumblr; there’s some pretty entertaining shit on there, so he helped me set up my own account. He gave me a few follow recommendations and I kinda took it from there. The lack of censorship and filter on sexual content was really intriguing. Like, you mean I can talk about getting cum in my nose AND see around the way girls busting it wide open without risk of being deactivated or anything? NOICE. I discovered a judgement free platform so I took advantage of it. It really just started as a bunch of endless posts about needing dick and going on about the dick I just got. People seemed pretty interested so I talked about my ‘adventures’ more and more. I think the readers assumed I could help because I spoke of similar situations. Like, what else does she know?? The questions just started coming in like crazy. I never said “hey I think I’ll start a sex & relationship advice blog”…..It honestly just….happened. I’ve always wanted to help people, particularly young, black women and girls; so I just happened to stumble upon exactly what I wanted to do.

Philly so you’re originally an East Coast girl but you’re in Cali now. What caused the relocation out west and how do you like it?

Yup, Jersey girl here. I was between jobs in Philly and the guy I was dating at the time offered to help me out. He had the pull to get me a job in any major city and assist with the move. I considered NYC but it was too safe and close to home. Most of my family is in NY. This was a kick ass opportunity so I wanted to take full advantage of it. After a lot of thinking I said fuck it, I’ll move to LA. Less than 2 weeks later I landed in LA and hit the ground running. I love it here. It’s a tough city to survive in, that’s for sure, but I don’t plan to leave anytime soon. I’m far away from things that I once knew and I like that.

 

Continue reading SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

What Is Left To The Imagination?

What Is Left To The Imagination?

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Our society is over flowing with #TMI and graphic over sharing. While this isn’t automatically a bad thing, It makes me wonder how much of our interactions with the opposite sex get sabotaged by the new nature of public communication. I believe in freedom of speech and the end to many of old school social norms that make people scared or at least hesitant to be openly sexual in their expressions. With that being said is it wrong to admit to the fact that some times saying too much is a major turn off?

I definitely have learned that there is more to people then what they post on social media BUT to disassociate the things projected to the world from the person on and off-line would be disingenuous as well. Have you ever had your interest in someone negatively effected by something said that was a little too much for you? On the flip side when’s the last time someone surprised you with “more than you expected” because they played things closer to the chest in the view of the public?

I feel like there is an added appeal when the low-key individual of few words keeps a little something up their sleeves for those that get close enough to them to deserve it. It’s almost like a movie in that folk today give away so much of the plot in teasers that it lessens certain enjoyable elements since you know what to look for.

In the end it’s all really a matter of the person. Some folk flip adult explicit content better than others. It flows like a native tongue dropping equals parts knowledge, curiousity and appeal. This is the continuing journey and adjustment to the world of 24/7 border-less interaction.  When you’re always talking sometimes you just say what will get a guaranteed reaction. Let’s make sure our words are saying a bit more but still leave something to look forward to.

 

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Adult Playtime – You Down For Whatever???

Adult Playtime – You Down For Whatever???

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A few days ago on Twitter I saw an exchange taking place around an interesting topic. Here is the background info. A woman stand that during the course of a day if she saw a woman who was attractive and especially “blessed” in the lower regions. which she isn’t, she’d take a picture of her and send it to her guy. This sparked 2 sides of debate. One side related this to a couple that can share mutual attractions i.e watching adult content together and the other side spoke to the idea that send images of other women to your man to look at is odd and damaging to his attraction to you.

This got me to thinking. Things like this weren’t happening when I was younger. Lets ignore the fact that the technology wasn’t there for capturing and sending media like that but women just weren’t into that, at least not so openly. There was a 1 on 1 aspect of relationships that today seem much, much more out there. I still remember when the subject of porn got a funny look from women. Now you ask them about XXX material and they have their own favorite movies, bookmarked sites and all that. Everyone seems down for EVERYTHING today. Is that good? Is that bed? I guess I fall somewhere in the middle. Everyone and every relationship is different. I actually like a woman who expresses a dislike for some things. We can enjoy adult things together without you cosigning the nastiest things on the planet. You don’t have to be down for everything imaginable to be down for me.

Again that’s just my take. What do you think about this? Do you agree that the accept of adult material has expanded to a more open space in relationships? Is that something you like? How do you mutual enjoy these types of things with a partner?

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