Three weeks ago I posted a screen shot of one of my email inboxes showing a folder labeled #Rejections. It sparked a nice conversation on how we define success, failure and the path that can lead to either rejection or success. I explained that I use rejection as a motivational tool to continue my press forward. I wanted to bring that topic here and expand on it a bit. One of the major pros of social media is the ability to share and promote your motivational stories. In many cases though these stories seem incomplete. With the ability to be writer, director and producer of our own presentation, it’s easy and quite understandable when many of the ugly details get left on the cutting room floor.
There are countless memes floating around the internet about “The Struggle”. We talk about grind and hustle without really sharing that element in detail. I feel it’s needed to balance the real picture. For every successful event and business accomplishment there is a trail that is littered with obstacles and set backs. It sounds cliche’ but these pitfalls definitely do build the character needed to complete the job. It’s one thing to see the finished product but when you learn how many times that product had to be redesigned or how many people turned that product down and called it a horrible idea, you get better appreciation for what it took to get here.
In my personal journey I’ve had a duel mission of directing smaller businesses toward better digital standing while simultaneously building my own brand. My entrepreneurial background is often something that tradition mainstream business don’t know what to make of. Instead of viewing it as proof of self starting, multitasking and real world experience from the ground up, it is generally seen as lacking structure or uncertainty of focus. Even during interviews I know this is the case. While so much business is transforming and adapting to new ways of communication, there are still many that cling to classic ways of viewing things. These fresh new professional models of operation aren’t deemed worth stepping away from “what has been working”.
I’ve hit that wall numerous times. Many a great interviews has taken place that didn’t go anywhere because they viewed me as a gamble vs the person with the more conventional background even if it’s clear no one understood the role and had the genuine passion for it like me. How many people Instagram or Snapchat the meal they’re having when they get that email (because they never call anymore) to say they went with another person. Who really posts about feeling of frustration when you’re in negotiation with a potential client and they just pull out at the last minute to attempt to do what you were offering them on their own for free?
No matter what space you’re in if you’re building your own business you’ve been here. It may be financial woes, self doubt, lacking support from the people you expected from, whatever it is always find a way to pull the lesson out of it. Any and everything on this journey can be a stepping stone upward. This is why I share my story in such an open manner. It’s not just to present a rags to riches tale but it’s to truthfully show that this is not easy. It not the romanticized story you are led to believe via these internets. The process isn’t for everyone and for those that it is for, it will break you down before you reach the grand prize.
All of this goes back to one of my most simple rules. We do not have control over all that happens around us but we always control how we react/respond to it. Never forget your power and keep on pressing forward. Your rejections are often your greatest assets.
What matters most in this world? Who matters most? We often find ourselves in situations where our personal priorities trump our general sensibilities. Just how far would you go for your loved ones?
Well said. Pulled from the modern classic “Breaking Bad’, we get a reminder, no a proclamation of what a man does. A man provides no how others may feel about him. That core responsibility to family is so set in stone that gives both of Gustavo and Walter the internal green light to do deplorable things in the pursuit of success.
Have you ever found yourself in such a place? Have you been forced to put your wants to the side for the greater good? Your perspective changes when others are depending on you. I’ve prided myself on being a guardian. Providing safety and reassurance to my people has long since been my lot in life but there is more. The next stage is approaching and I’m not sure what it will bring.
Yesterday in Loreto, Mexico I took part in a morning Sun salutation. This spiritual activity serves as a connection session for personal, spiritual and natural energies. Asking for strength and guidance in the trials ahead. I’ve always said that my only definition to success was to make my people, primarily my parents proud. Life doesn’t just roll out a simple path for you to follow to achieve success. More often than not you will be broken down on a few occasions before you reach your goal.
I believe this breakdown is required. This is the process by which you focus your vision and finally see what and who truly matters. You may very well end up turning off the same people whose opinions were once so important to you and the funniest part is that you will gladly accept that loss for you new-found clarity and purpose.
I’m searching for that with a relative idea of where it is but limited time to get things right. In the end you do what you most even if you go unappreciated for it. A man provides.
Another night concludes. An evening of networking and supporting the moves and ambitions of my peers. Growing business men, lady leaders of up and coming brands surround me. People come up to me and ask me “Are you???” Slowly but steadily my work is proceeding me. I have many more miles before I can rest but I’m making progress.
Yet in the midst of these moments there is pain, frustration and hurt. My relationships mean the world to me and recently I’ve seen quite a few crumble or slowly deteriorate into a shell of their former selves. While I foster stand ties with new people and I grow with a Nomadic army behind me there is something missing. I miss my people. There are those that for the better part of life have made life a happier existence for me. Now they are not here and what truly tears at me is that I seem to be the only that cares.
My father is my role model. He has friends but for as far back as I could remember friends were never a dominant concern. He saw folk at holiday BBQ’s, company bowling nights but all that truly mattered was family. Maybe that’s what I need to progress too. The fact that I can feel so torn over not seeing and interacting with people can’t be good. I know I’m far from perfect but as I look at the things I’ve done, the loyalty I have maintained even as others have slandered me, put their egos and wants above my feelings, I’ve never violated. I sit on a mountain of skulls from all the secrets and skeletons folk have entrusted me with. Not once have I tossed one of these out into the public out of spite. That’s just not how I ‘m built.
Even now I look about my room and see reminders of the love lost, the friendships fading and written reminders to myself “Be Heard in Silence”. My focus shifts now. If my hurt is simply chalked up to things changing then so be it. Folk will always be what they want.
I’ve learned that age and maturity aren’t about bringing an end to pain. It’s really about being able to better handle it.
I love my people. I love with all my heart but when it’s not mutual change will come. I deserve better so I guess I have to snatch it.
It seems that at some point we all meet someone or go through a situation that will greatly affect and to a large degree define the way that we act towards the opposite sex. Sometimes these situations work out but often times they don’t. Regardless of what folk may think of the stoic guy they see now it wasn’t always like this for me. I’m not exempt to the ways that the heart can manipulate the mind and distort perspective. Roughly 10 yrs ago I went through a phase that would technically have me as the “side piece” to a woman in a relationship. Yes I was a straight up simp. A sucker for love 100%. Allow me to share the lesson that took me over 5 years to learn.
One of things that has always happened with me is that after a woman and I part ways they reach out to me later expressing regret for the decision that was made to leave. In 2002 after the conclusion of a 7-8 month relationship I was in that space again. The difference was that I still cared for and wanted to be with this person. Also when she reached out to me she was still with the person she elected to leave me for. In spite of this she expressed a desire to maintain our friendship. At 21 years old my heart would take any level of interaction I was able to have with her, so that’s what I did. Our friendship put me in the side line position of being that guy that essentially provided all the things a partner would without the more “intimate” interactions. It was no secret on either side that my true want was to be back in a relationship. Essentially I was just waiting. As the years went by I’d still go about my business, still meet people and socialize but I knew what my heart wanted. It was a weird mixture of roles. I guess you could say I was “Friend Zoned Side Dude”
Eventually I pulled out of that cycle. Well, to be honest, life and relocation forced me out of that cycle. Once out of it though I finally took a look at what I was doing and what I allowed and truthfully it made me sick. Today many of my close friends come to me for views and options on their relationships and this is where a lot of my views come from. I’ve seen first hand how “love” can make you under value your self-worth, over look unfair circumstances and settle for less than you deserve. I swore to myself that love would never make me that blind again. I’ve always said Love is one of the most powerful forces on Earth. I’ve watched it create miracles and destroy lives equally. Love is to be respected and handled carefully as far as I’m concerned. I take the lessons learned from it seriously and honestly my interaction with women have been much better ever since.
The heart wants what the heart wants……but so do bratty kids as well. Sometimes you have to slap a kids hand and apply some thought to learn that everything you want isn’t always good for you.
Where Did The Love Go??
From the Blog Closet Originally posted June 18th 2012
Been meaning to write this for a quite awhile now. “Inspiration” though was never lacking……I’m getting thoughts off my mind about the effects of love on my people. From my simple vantage point I observe so much. 99% of the time I do so in silence. We’re all adults here so at this point of my life I let folk do what they do. I’ve posted before that love is the most powerful force of Earth, but I’m also thinking that Fear doesn’t rank too far below it. The fear of being alone, that seems to be so much at the heart of the thing I’m seeing recently. Tale after tale, story upon story of unqualified lames and lowlifes, grown man wannabes and pretenders being chosen by women who deserve better….who know better. None lacking for intelligence, self respect or common sense yet stoically I look upon the events that play out without a shred of surprise.
What transformed yesterdays “love of her life” into today’s bane of a her existence. Such changes happen more often then I can count. Was he that vile being to begin with and merely put on an awarding winning acting performance? Was he genuinely a good guy that was somehow twisted into this new person by events I’m not privy to? I mean its also true that after a certain point you can’t merely blame the “other” person. You put enough unsuccessful social dealings on your record and you have to look into that mirror and re-evaluate what you bring to the problem, who you interact with, who you attract, etc…..
Maybe it’s the Summer season and emotions are hot and heavy but the “interesting” interactions and questionable moves are at an all time high. Russian roulette within the sheets, jumping off a cliff with a “Love” umbrella hopeful it will slow down your descent. You see this isn’t about judgement. This isn’t anything I take joy in being right about. I HATE seeing my people, especially my female friends hurt and distraught. But I’m a realist and I can’t cry and sob when decisions lack a certain degree of common sense. No, love has no blueprint or official game plan but the sky is still blue, water is still wet and we as people are given enough to make better decisions then I witness. Is the fear of being alone that over powering? Does it really allow you to over look the disrespect, abuse, lies, violence and hope against hope that things work out? What are the standards and requirements applied to being that man? Your Man? Or is it something that just sounds nice to proclaim. I’ve seen it work and I’ve seen it fail. Happiness does have certain requirements and in truth everyone doesn’t have it.
At times I wish I could just beat the life out of these guys…….would definitely be a bit therapeutic. Or better yet I just wish my folks success to failure ratio would balance off a little more…..