Tag Archives: Insecure

The Center of Insecurity – Chasing the Dream

The Center of Insecurity – Chasing the Dream

Lawrence Insecure

Insecure has done a great job of highlighting so many of the dynamics between men and women trying to find a common ground in relationships, dating and just overall social interaction. One of the things that I’ve noticed while not really picking sides between the star characters Lawrence and Issa, is that Lawrence’s journey is one that surprisingly I connect to. I say that not in terms of the struggles that he’s having in his relationship with his now former partner but the background elements of him trying to live the life that he wants and that he has been working towards.

The backdrop of this character throughout these 2 completed seasons has been one of unfulfilled potential. We meet this character dealing with unemployment, clearly having a high level of intelligence as he pitches this new potential mobile app but not being able to get enough traction to get things off the ground. In the meantime, his struggles are wearing thin on his partner and on various levels we get a number of hints that perhaps their sex life among other things is not what it should be. These factors lead to overall growing tension between the two of them.

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I can wholeheartedly relate to the experience that Lawrence has been going through on the personal side regarding his professional advancements or at least his attempts to do so. More people than you know are dealing with an economy and a business world that has been in flux for probably the last 7-plus years now. There are more people with high education and higher work experience all vying for the same jobs. As a black man I already knowing what that job hunting process entails and how much higher you have to aim above the crowd, it’s stressful.

It takes a lot to get up and put on that professional face, hold it together throughout the course of the day and then come home and function when you’re not contributing your fair amount to the household situation. So we follow Lawrence as he goes from unemployment to finally bite the bullet and taking a Best Buy opportunity that was presented to him. It’s an ego check as it falls far below his intelligence and experience, but you do what you have to do to provide for your situation.

I connect with this so deeply, I know from personal experience how that feels to have to sit down and look at what you’ve done in the past, what you’ve accomplished, what you know than sit down and have to take a role that realistically you probably could have retained with no more than a high school degree. Again you do what you have to do to bring in that paper regardless of how much your ego takes a hit for it. Let’s just look things over a bit. In the midst of trying to get your paper right, you now find yourself out of your relationship not established in terms of having your own place so you know what happens next? You holla at your homie and you’re dealing with that air mattress struggle. Again I’ve never been in a situation where I separated from someone and ended up in that way but the air mattress struggle is real I’ve been there and when you find yourself in certain spaces of transition and you’re essentially starting from scratch. Building life from the bottom up is a very humbling position to find yourself in.

So as we watch Lawrence deal with these various levels of change some people may see it as him being the butt of a joke, however, your personal experiences will relate to the perspective that you’re going to bring to the situation and for me without touching the way he interacts with Issa, I get the stress, strain and the conflict that he is dealing with internally.

Interestingly enough the story of Insecure seems to present a situation where it isn’t until Lawrence is away from his supportive partner that he starts to make traction in his life professionally. He gets the new job, he gets the place and it makes you wonder was there something within the relationship holding him back

When shows like this hit the scene it is natural for people to start picking sides. The internet is full of Team Issa and Team Lawrence fanatics. People who just like me, connect to these characters in some personal form or fashion and are riding out hoping to see the best for that particular individual as the show progresses. As I said, I’m not on either of these individuals teams because I feel a lot of the decisions they are making in regards to each other and their former relationship have been incredibly destructive and hurtful to themselves.  

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I had this conversation with a friend recently; they are both being incredibly messy single people. But at least on one level of existence, I get where Lawrence is coming from I get the idea of wanting to be something aiming to be something falling short and having constant reminders around you of your shortcomings. I know what it’s like to be a certain age be in a certain place look around you and see others advancing others prospering and you still struggling to get to a place that you know you should be at. It’s not cool to admit the things that I’m talking about but this isn’t something new I’ve been very transparent with my life for years now. But as Insecure continues to grow in popularity I think the show presents real opportunity, to be honest about the lies that we live. As women open up and claim spaces in our society that they have been due for the longest. I think as men we need to start feeling enough comfort to open up about the difficulties that we have we are expected to be stone cold emotionless and just proceed with life like nothing ever affects us and that’s not true that’s not honest and it’s not healthy.

If anything the true level of insecurity comes in our inability, to be honest with ourselves and others that sometimes we’re just not happy with our lives. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to acknowledge your feelings and address them than bottle them up and have them possibly explode in the wrong direction or towards the wrong person.

While we await the next chapter of life between Lawrence and Issa in season 3, I do hope that the level of conversation that this show has sparked doesn’t die down. There are so many areas we need to address with other. We need each other more than ever and the first step to that position comes through understands open communication. We’re all insecure about something so why not share and heal together?

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Friends, Lovers and the Samurai on the Side

Friends, Lovers and the Samurai on the Side

Friends

Hump Day seems as good a good as any for some relationship type discussion. First off this isn’t a side chick post if that’s what you’re thinking. This topic was actually requested of me this morning. The question I received was….

“Jason, as best good friend to many women, have you ever had awkward moments with their new guy.”

As a general answer no. I have never had awkward moments. I don’t see any reason to but I have been in simple misunderstandings and situations that’s required me to clarify some things.  Other folk sometimes assume things that weren’t the case. It’s really a matter of basic respect and common sense, laced with my own views on relationships. Many people think that the moment you engage a person and get into something with them that every friend you have is just automatically supposed to love this person as you do. I see that as being a little naive and unrealistic. As friends, until you’re shown a reason not to, it’s your role to be respectful that’s all. Liking the person isn’t a requirement and it was to be earned.

As a man I already get the funny reactions from the new guys in the picture with my lady friends, but those that are able to put 1 and 1 together see very quickly I have enough on my plate as to not worry about me. One thing I will say is that I don’t really make it an issue or point to go out of my way to get to know this person. It’s nothing personal I just don’t see it as my job. Things like that happen naturally. You’re dealing with my friend now so if things go good with y’all we’ll cross paths when we’re supposed to and things will be great. Truth be told it’s more so my friend’s position to big up this new person and create that environment of bonding. We’re not kids anymore so truthfully until a relationship really shows its potential of being something long-term and serious, there’s no need for me to invest too much too early.

I had this convo with one of my boy before. He understood it 100% but told me it does sound a bit “cold”. Perhaps it cold but to me it’s more so protective. Feelings, love, we all know what it can do to people. With me being that friend that folk turn to, the truth is that I get told more of the bad things that happen then the good. That’s just how it is, most of that good stuff is told to girl friends, so I’m rarely given reason not to be cautious. I’d rather be cautious now and see things work out well in the end then assume great things now just to see it fall apart. Another thing from my perspective is that I’m that objective male voice that tells not what a person wants to hear but what is needed. When the red flag appears there is no emotion that makes me look past that issue. Often it’s the thing I speak on the 1st time that comes up again and again but feelings won’t let folk walk away from the situation.

I’ve experienced both sides of this position. I’ve seen people link up and over time everyone is cool. Families get created and it’s all love.  I’ve seen people link up and basically have to watch a situation walk the fine line of abuse. People sometimes have to go through things themselves to decide what is or isn’t for them. It can get difficult because in the midst of turmoil many a person will side with their current partner vs their friend of many years. Feelings do that sometimes.

My end goal is to see my friends happy. As long as they’re being treated well I’m not really concerned with who it is that provides the happiness. As a friend that is the ultimate “Social” duty of mine.

Jason Francis | The Social Media Samurai

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