Category Archives: Sex

THE STORY OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA SAMURAI: COMMUNICATION SHORTCOMINGS

THE STORY OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA SAMURAI: COMMUNICATION SHORTCOMINGS

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It seems that every and all things comes down to communication. What you say, how you say it and in my case who you elect to say it too. I’ve always viewed information as selective. Everything isn’t for everyone to know and I would base this on my own personal check list of criteria. What is the overall value of this info, does it relate directly to the person I’d be telling it too, is the info complete in itself or part of something larger I may not want to share at this time, is this something that makes me happy? That’s just an example of what runs through my head both personally and professionally when I express myself. In a time when it seems that a majority of people express themselves first then think about it later I’m definitely part of the “Think twice, press send button once” crowd. For the most part it’s a communication method that has served me well.

Yet, there are still lessons to be learned. In personal matters I’m extremely tight-lipped with things until I’m ready to share. It’s a way that many don’t always get/like but it’s what works for me so I honestly don’t need it to make sense to others.  When I’m not happy I play things really close to the chest. When I am happy I don’t want to mess things up by talking about it too much. It’s an internal balance for me and I can admit that in trying to reach that balance I’m not usually worried about other people’s view on it. I’m a guy that overall doesn’t like to waste words so that has resulted in folks not hearing what they think they should.

I’m learning that’s not always the best way to approach things. As much as I speak to the power of family, friends and community, I am realizing that my cause is better served by having more faith in the people I trust to react well to whatever it is I have to share. Even if the initial reactions aren’t that positive, the result of having more open communication in the end will show who truly is down for supporting me.

A photo posted by nightfall914 (@nightfall914) on

There is no blueprint to this thing called life. You’re going to get thrown an array of things you may have no idea how to handle and your best bet is that you make sure that with each passeing situation you handle it better than the one before it. I’m committing myself to that level of improvement. Wish me good luck.

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SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

chokesTOP

Samurai Sit Down was created as my way to introduce various people who caught my eye and are making names for themselves in today’s new digital world. I’ve chatted with artists, media personalities, and more, but this time, I decided to dive a lil deeper into the gritty social media underbelly. What I’m talking about is Tumblr. If any space online exists as a free for all its Tumblr. You can go from cute kitty videos to the most explicit of amateur or professional sexual material. I’m no angel and I’m not  a stranger to Tumblr, which is where I encountered ChokesNGags, also known as “Aunty Chokes” by her devoted fans and followers. Sex is everywhere online but every so often you come across someone who isn’t just flashing the masses for attention. CNG has lived a life that is made for the big screen. Her candor and transparency has attracted many to seek her advice for issues too uncomfortable for others to hear.

So today things get a little NSFW as I sit down with the infamous ChokesNGags.     

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First off, thanks for taking the time out to have this conversation. Let’s dive right into things. How/Why/When did you start the ChokesNGags online persona?

Back around 2011 when I was living in south Philly bored out of my skull. One of my friends was always on Tumblr; there’s some pretty entertaining shit on there, so he helped me set up my own account. He gave me a few follow recommendations and I kinda took it from there. The lack of censorship and filter on sexual content was really intriguing. Like, you mean I can talk about getting cum in my nose AND see around the way girls busting it wide open without risk of being deactivated or anything? NOICE. I discovered a judgement free platform so I took advantage of it. It really just started as a bunch of endless posts about needing dick and going on about the dick I just got. People seemed pretty interested so I talked about my ‘adventures’ more and more. I think the readers assumed I could help because I spoke of similar situations. Like, what else does she know?? The questions just started coming in like crazy. I never said “hey I think I’ll start a sex & relationship advice blog”…..It honestly just….happened. I’ve always wanted to help people, particularly young, black women and girls; so I just happened to stumble upon exactly what I wanted to do.

Philly so you’re originally an East Coast girl but you’re in Cali now. What caused the relocation out west and how do you like it?

Yup, Jersey girl here. I was between jobs in Philly and the guy I was dating at the time offered to help me out. He had the pull to get me a job in any major city and assist with the move. I considered NYC but it was too safe and close to home. Most of my family is in NY. This was a kick ass opportunity so I wanted to take full advantage of it. After a lot of thinking I said fuck it, I’ll move to LA. Less than 2 weeks later I landed in LA and hit the ground running. I love it here. It’s a tough city to survive in, that’s for sure, but I don’t plan to leave anytime soon. I’m far away from things that I once knew and I like that.

 

Continue reading SAMURAI SIT DOWN: TUMBLR SENSATION CHOKESNGAGS [NSFW]

Why Would My Husband Unfriend Me on Facebook?

Why Would My Husband Unfriend Me on Facebook?

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I was recently presented with an interesting question. A reader wanted to know why her husband would unfriend her on Facebook. I had to take a moment to process this. It’s actually much more complex than it initially sounds. This could range from being a simple non-issue to being a true problem. With the limited details I have let me give you the best possible explanation for this act from both the positive and negative view points.

Let’s look at the negative possibilities first because realistically that is most likely what is running through your head.

Why would a man unfriend his wife on Facebook?
That could be a means to filter you out of his communications and interactions with other people. Generally speaking the presence of a wife on your social network shuts down a lot of the outside chatter you’re going to have with those of the opposite sex. If this man’s motives are not in the right place then this is either a means to engage with new people going forward or to hide something that may have been already happening.

Then we have the positive side of the coin. Depending upon the type of online interactions you have this may be a means of keeping people out of your business. Also, I’m assuming you live with your husband. You wake up together, go about your business and end the day together. There’s nothing wrong with allowing a degree of space between you. Marriage doesn’t make you Siamese twins. I personally keep my love off the Internets so I get this type of view-point.

In the end, the unfriending clearly has a motive behind it. Discovering if it’s sinister or protective is on you to find out by discussing it with your partner. Clearly you were friends on FB prior so ask what your husband’s view of Facebook is now that you are married. Stop and think on his activity and behavior during the course of your relationship. Has he given you reason to be suspicious of him or has he always been a private person? There’s definitely reason to check the status of things. I want to believe that if you guys are married that your relationship is in a good place. Many of today’s top mainstream Hip Hop artists speak frequently of “side chicks” and this mentality worries many ladies, but please remember, social media doesn’t end relationships. Social media simply magnifies what is already there.

MR REFINED LAUNCHES NEW PUBLICATION FOR THE TODAY’S URBAN PROFESSIONALS

MR REFINED LAUNCHES NEW PUBLICATION FOR THE TODAY’S URBAN PROFESSIONALS

#MRREFINED

**CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY OF MR REFINED MAGAZINE***

One of the most powerful forces in our society today is media. It is how people get most of their information and for better or worse it’s a huge factor in how people form their views and opinions. With this power comes a responsibility to be truly comprehensive, honest and engaging with the content you deliver. In addition to that, the people now hold more ability to control the stories and narratives that are presented. Enter Mr. Refined Magazine.

I take personal pride and consider it an honor to have my words among the premiere articles within the newly launched Mr. Refined magazine.

Car Guide Refined

The Mr. Refined brand has set itself as an expanding force in delivering mature lifestyle content for the new age young adult. From style to travel to business and more Mr. Refined magazine looks to deliver a quarterly dose of high-caliber reading material that you can truly relate and connect to.

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So, without further ado here is the info to get your own copy of Mr. Refined Magazine. You have your choice of digital or hard copies. You won’t be disappointed so order your copy and please share this among your peers.

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Has Posting Pictures Online Become Too Complicated???

Has Posting Pictures Online Become Too Complicated???

postingtoohard

The power of social media to sway what we think and how we react has always amazed me. It takes the idea that people believe anything they see on TV and expands it to a space where the content is publicly generated and always flowing. It’s no longer confined to the evening news or Hollywood entertainment shows. From Facebook to Twitter, Instagram to Snapchat we share, like and analyze everything we see. We give lasting power to moments snatched out of a few seconds in time. Most often this leads to the assumption of relationship activity between people.

When you are accustomed to seeing folk detail and broadcast so many aspect of life you cant help but try to fill in the blanks yourself. You see images in the gym regularly leads you to think things, you see images in sexy revealing outfits it makes you think things and if you see pictures of people socializing with any regularity or at certain types of functions you think things.

We’ve all done it. I know I have. “I don’t know what they’re doing but they clearly enjoy each others company.” It could be harmless or it could be the case of hiding in the open. Privacy is a touchy digital thing when so many present their relationships as open books.

In any case the question remains, “Do you think posting pictures online has become too complicated?” Do you ever do what the folk in the video above do before posting? To post or not to post? Crop? Don’t crop? Tag? Share the Location?

Decisions, decisions. Life used to be so much simpler….

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Are Secret’s Allowable If They Only Happen Online?

Are Secret’s Allowable If They Only Happen Online?

Online flirt

As social media extends its reach into more areas of our lives it would seem that the rules of engagement for many people change and mutate to fit their digital activity. I came across a curious conversation recently while on Facebook. As the Blizzard of 2016 had folks confined to their homes many banged the keys across the Internets to pass the time. Since there is a lack of physical interaction many think flirtations are harmless as long as they are made while online.

Essentially the statement that was made and supported by many is that “acting out online (in secret) is nothing serious. Let me provide more context. “Acting out” in this sense meant having online interactions of sexual nature with people outside of your personal relationship.  This could be discussion explicit fantasies, exchanging revealing imagery, etc,etc…. The only thing is that there is no physical interaction occurring. This brings me back to the main question. Is this type of behavior cool with you? Is it a general belief that secret online activity falls outside the realm of “cheating”?

For a long time I’ve held the belief that social media has created an odd mentality of absolute justification vs earnest acceptance of responsibility. Our technology plays a big role in fueling our “I can do whatever I want” mentality. As long as you can justify your actions to yourself, the ramifications to others are to be excused.

I hold no judgement. I’ve encountered a number of different lifestyles that differ from how I would conduct a relationship so I know it’s not a one size fits all matter. Yet, I cant help but feel that no one pursuing something of substance with a partner would take kindly to finding out that their significant other is having that level of connection with people outside of the their partnership.

Generally folk keep secrets because they know the other party involved wouldn’t approve of the actions. We just seem to think that connection via Wifi isn’t as “real” as the face to face real thing. Is it?

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Samurai Sit Down With Sex Educator, Radio Host and Writer Tyomi Morgan

Samurai Sit Down With Sex Educator, Radio Host and Writer Tyomi Morgan

 

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It’s a new year and #SamuraiSitDown returns with more conversations with interesting people from across these Internets. Jumping off the first Interview of the year is Sex Educator, Radio Host and  Ebony Magazine writer Tyomi Morgan. They say sex sells but it’s one thing to talk about it and a completely different thing to understand the various nuances of sex and sexuality in our society. Appropriately enough it’s hump day to get comfortable we chop it up with the Glamazon.

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Many people claim to be experts on Sex. Please introduce yourself and tell us who your are, where you’re from and what you do?

My name is Tyomi Morgan, but many know me as GLAMAZON TYOMI.  I am a sex educator, writer and youtube contributor and radio host for Playboy Radio. I am from Chicago, Illinois but I currently reside in Southern California. I got my start as a model which built my popularity, and through self study I began my journey into becoming a sex expert.

Continue reading Samurai Sit Down With Sex Educator, Radio Host and Writer Tyomi Morgan

The Year That Tested Me Like No Other – 2015 In Retrospect

The Year That Tested Me Like No Other – 2015 In Retrospect

New Year, New Me right? Ummm maybe, maybe not. 2015 has been in a word “stressful”. On many levels I took chances and gambles to see just what I as made of and how I would deal with life and all it could throw at me. Both personally and professionally I’ve been in positions that were both exciting yet taxing. Some results made my smile, some results made me cry and others just had me asking why.

Freelancing was the business model as every dollar I earned this calendar year was via independent free lance work. I acquired my first long-term consulting client via my Social Media management business. I proved that I could do it and do it effectively. I expanded the #SamuraiRides branch of my brand and grew the following of the site with a steady flow of content like my #SamuraiSitDown series. 

Travel also stepped up a bit this year. I made the decision to cut back on event coverage that wasn’t fiscally beneficial but also decided to give a larger portion of my time to Nomadness. From the Summer BBQ now known as Nomadness Reunion weekend to the massive #UAETakeover in Abu Dhabi & Dubai, the heart of 2015 was spent putting in work to push the growth of the Tribe. All of which led up to the Sept launch of our 1st business conference NMDN.

Last minute trips to Miami and then to Antigua helped give me the little spark that I hope to bring over to the new year. Fingers crossed.

On the surface things definitely looked great. Yet as we know there is always more below the surface. I’ve been looking to take my social media skills to a larger platform. While growing the Social Media Samurai I see so many established businesses that are in dire of digital assistance. The search has been long and frustrating to get in the door. It’s the classic dilemma of people wanting you to have a certain specific level of experience to accept you. There’s no question that I know social media but hiring businesses see a man engaged in freelancing and indie work seems to scare people away.

As much as SMS has done for me it’s still not where I need it to be. From a money making stand point It’s a revenue stream but not profitable enough yet.

The goal is to be able to live a self-sufficient life doing what makes you happy. Sounds simple but nothing is simple these days…especially living in New York.

I won’t lie. I’m feeling real sub par. I’ve always been my own worst critic but by most standards I think I’m not looking too good. On top of that 2016 already promises to be 10X tougher in many areas. I’ve always said I don’t give up and I don’t break but patience is wearing thin. Life isn’t holding back on the tests and challenges and something has to give eventually.

There was also the personal side of 2015. I learned just how far love could go but that it wasn’t the be all of life. Love can feel great yet be equally frustrating. Years of friendship can be interrupted in many ways. Just as you think something is moving in the right direction someone throws you a curve. Pretty much I learned to accept what is given to me. You can’t make adults do what they simply have no interest in.

In spite of all that I’m thankful for the support system I have. I thankful for family and friends who repeatedly showed me love and appreciation through both words and actions. I’m in good health. My heart is in an interesting place but I’ll deal with that and mentally my mind is as (over)active as ever.

A beautiful mess? That might be another way to sum up 2015. I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to keep pressing on and be more focused and organized. Mental strength and precision in the form of self-control is a key virtue of Bushido. I need to put that into play.

I also believe in asking for help so I’m making a humble request of anyone reading this. If you are a person of faith please toss a prayer in my direction. If you’re not into religion shoot some positive thought in may direction.

Wishing you all Love and Prosperity in 2016.

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Social Media Samurai Year In Review: The Best Of Samurai Sit Down 2015

Social Media Samurai Year In Review: The Best Of Samurai Sit Down 2015

Microphone

One of my favorite things about The Social Media Samurai is having a platform to introduce people doing good work and giving a place for people to express themselves devoid of the media politics that often make true expression a frustrating situation. This year I had some amazing  conversations with a number of people that really left a mark on the culture for 2015.

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Hip Hop Artist Nitty Scott MC & Media Personality Cleverly Chloe were 2 of the ladies featured on Samurai Sit Down.

Hit the Jump to see a few snippets and updates from this Year’s season of #SamuraiSitdown!!

Continue reading Social Media Samurai Year In Review: The Best Of Samurai Sit Down 2015

Erykah Babu Answers “The Questions” Via OkayPlayer

Erykah Babu Answers “The Questions” Via OkayPlayer

BaduOKAY

Erykah  Badu, the woman that charms the world, took a few minutes to link up with OKayPlayer and answers questions live from the public. It goes without saying that the questions ranged from the expected to the exceptionally odd. Never to be thrown off her game Lady Badu keeps it entertaining through out. See the video below.

 

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